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J.W. Maggot Hotel |
Team Owner: Franchise Fogeys: Bounty Hunters: Deathwish: Manchurian Candidate: Birgit Rausing, Larry Hagman, Peter Bart Zombies: none |
RIP
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| Pleshette | Ledger | Gordon B. Hinckley |
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| Metzenbaum | Pamela Anderson & Rick Saloman | Jules Dassin |
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| Eddy Arnold |
ROSTER
Fogeylist:
Adam West
- TV's Batman
Adnan Pachachi
- Age 81, a liberal Sunni former foreign minister from 1965 to 1967 before the Baath came to power in Iraq.
Adolf Merckle
- Owes his vast fortune to pharmaceuticals. Boasts investments in other sectors, like all-terrain vehicles.
Alexander Lukashenko
- Mentally shaky leader of Belarus. Gave props to Hitler for building a strong state. Rigged re-election in 2001 by using police to silence opponents.
Aleksander Solzhenitsyn
- Exiled from the USSR for 20 years, the massively-bearded dissident writer and winner of the 1970 Nobel Prize for Literature eventually returned home to Russia after the fall of communism.
Alfred Moisiu
- President of Albania
Alice Walker
- Author of The Color Purple
Allan Arbus
- Actor known for his recurring role as psychiatrist Sidney Freedman on M*A*S*H*.
Allen Iverson
- He can definitely do some damage on or off the court
Ally Sheedy
- She joined the "Brat Pack" in 1985 after appearing in The Breakfast Club and St. Elmo's Fire. Despite the huge success of both films, many of her subsequent efforts were relative disappointments, and by the early 1990s she had slipped into all but complete obscurity.
Atlanta Hawks
Atlanta Thrashers
Auburn Tigers
August von Finck
- Son of banker Wilhelm von Finck, who founded insurance giant Allianz and private bank Merck, Finck & Co. After selling the bank to Barclays in 1990, he moved his money to tax-paradise Switzerland, where he lives with wife Francine.
Austin Peay Governors
Axl Rose
- Insert your own crass joke about knocking on heaven’s door here.
B.B. King
- Dedicated to his trademark Gibson guitar “Lucille”, diabetes management, and eating at Burger King.
Backstreet Boys
- This pick is good for any Backstreet Boy: Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, AJ McLean, Brian Littrell, and Kevin Richardson.
Ball State Cardinals
Baltimore Orioles
Billy Joel
- Bounced back from losing Christie Brinkley and a battle with booze to get married to a hot young 28 year old chick, then in 2004 traded her in for a 23-year-old straight out of college. Didn't start the fire.
Birgit Nilsson
- Swedish opera soprano
Birgit Rausing
- Swedish widow inherited an estimated $4.5 billion fortune from now-deceased husband Gad Rausing, who ran food packaging giant Tetra Laval.
Birmingham Southern Panthers
Brendan Eich
- Netscape programmer invented JavaScript in 1995. JavaScript has become an international standard allowing web developers to write Dynamic HTML that works on multiple browsers.
Brian Boitano
- The movie "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut" features a musical number titled "What Would Brian Boitano Do?". In the song, Brian fights grizzly bears, uses his magical fire breath, travels through time, fights an evil robot king, saves the human race, builds the Egyptian pyramids, and generally kicks ass.
Brian Wilson
- Founding member of The Beach Boys. Has suffered from long-term mental illness and drug problems.
Brigham Young Cougars
Brigitte Bardot
- French bombshell actress from the 1960s who now concentrates on animal rights causes.
Britney Spears
- Genetically engineered by the Disney Corporation to bring western culture to its knees.
Bronson Pinchot
- Balki on Perfect Strangers
Charles Percy
- Republican Senator from Illinois, 1967-85
Charles Schwab
- Opened the stock market to the masses, first with discount brokerage, then online trading.
Charley Pride
- First black country music star
Charlie Sheen
- An admitted frequent customer of "Hollywood Madame" Heidi Fleiss, he spent over $50,000 on prostitutes. In the wake of the Heidi Fleiss scandal, Sheen openly dated a pair of adult film actresses, Ginger Lynn Allen and Brittany Ashland; his relationship with Ashland came to an end when she filed assault charges against him. Sheen's was hospitalized for drug and alcohol abuse in 1998.
Charlie Steiner
- Sports anchor for many years on ESPN’s SportsCenter and ESPN Radio.
Charlie Watts
- Drummer of the Rolling Stones. Born June 2, 1941.
Charlize Theron
- Doll-faced South African movie star hottie
Charlotte 49ers
Charlotte Bobcats
Charlotte Colket Weber
- Grandchild of John T. Dorrance, founder of Campbell Soup, inventor of condensed-soup process.
Colorado Rockies
Colorado State Rams
Columbia Lions
David Grohl
- Bands: Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age
David Hasselhoff
- Four hospitalizations in two months in 2007 for severe alcohol poisoning. His girls fear his addiction will kill him.
David Lee Roth
- Fought with Van Halen members and was voted out of the band. Trashed hotel rooms, had wild sexual antics on and off stage with strippers and abused alcohol and drugs.
David Letterman
- His Late Night with David Letterman premiered on NBC in February 1982. Moved the show to CBS in 1993. With a heart condition like Dave's, combined with the annoying antics of Paul Sheaffer, I don't think he's got more than six months to live.
David Murdock
- Ninth-grade dropout made first fortune in post-WWII housing boom, lost it all in 1964 real estate crash. Started again with California properties. In 1985 took-over pineapple producer Dole. Keeps 400 Arabian horses on his 2,000-acre estate in California.
David Rockefeller
- Son of John D. Rockefeller, Jr. Born 1915. US banker; former chairman of Chase Manhattan.
David Schwimmer
- Ross on the TV show Friends
David Souter
- The "stealth justice" appointed by GHW Bush turned out to be more liberal than Poppy would've liked.
Davidson Wildcats
Dayton Flyers
Don Shula
- Father of legendary former Bengals coach Dave Shula.
Don Zimmer
- You gotta love a guy with a metal plate in his head. Suffered two of the worst beanings in baseball history.
Donald and Doris Fisher
- Founded Gap clothing chain 1969, took it public 1976. Added Banana Republic 1983, GapKids 1986, BabyGap 1990, Old Navy 1994, GapBody 1998.
Eddie Antar
- Cofounder of the electronics retail chain Crazy Eddie. Fled to Israel in February 1990 to avoid prosecution with $53 million in Swiss bank accounts. Later extradited and convicted of securities fraud and racketeering.
Eddie DeBartolo
- Former 49ers owner. Has been investigated for multi-million dollar fraud and assaulting a woman with a broomstick.
Eddie Murphy
- Got his big break as a Saturday Night Live regular at 19 years old. Starred in "Trading Places", "Beverly Hills Cop", "Doctor Dolittle", "The Nutty Professor", "Coming To America", "Shrek", and "48 Hours". He was caught with a transsexual prostitute in 1997.
Eddie Van Halen
- Stricken with tongue cancer, the once hard drinking, chain-smoking rocker is slowing down. He takes such poor care of himself that he needed hip replacement surgery.
Eddie Vedder
- He's still alive. Does he deserve to be? Is that the question? And if so, who answers?
Eddy Arnold
- Country music singer, has had songs on the Billboard charts for seven decades.
Eddy Grant
- Had a hit in the '80s with the song "Electric Avenue"
Etta James
- A singer with the ability to modify her style as musical trends changed.
Eugenio Garza Laguera
- Helped build up Femsa from a small-time brewery to Latin America's largest beverage company, distributor of beers like Dos Equis and Tecate, and the second-largest Coca-Cola bottler in the world.
Frankie Valli
- Member of the Four Seasons, "Big Girls Don't Cry"
Franklin Booth Jr
- Billionaire investor inherited money and just kept it rolling. Flies his own Learjet.
Fred Grandy
- Gopher on Love Boat, then a Congressional representative, now president of Goodwill Industries.
Fred Phelps
- Convinced that God hates fags
Fred Willard
- He is a versatile actor who has made guest appearances on seemingly every TV show in history. He looks almost exactly the same as he did in the 1970's.
Frederick Sanger (FFF 2007)
- Chemist who determined sequencing of Insulin
Fresno State Bulldogs
Gloria Vanderbilt
- Her "Gloria Vanderbilt" jeans influenced the designer jeans craze of the 1980s. Born 1924.
Golden State Warriors
Goldie Hawn
- She as much as anyone came to represent the wild, creative spirit of the late-'60s
Gonzaga Bulldogs
Gordie Howe
- Nicknamed "Mr. Hockey". Had a remarkably long career that spanned five decades (1946-1980).
Gordon Hinckley
- Leader of the Mormons
Gordon Lightfoot
- Canadian singer/songwriter born November 17, 1938
Gordon Moore
- Founded Intel in 1968 with Robert Noyce and $2.5 million investment arranged by venture capitalist Arthur Rock. Lent name to theory on the exponential growing power of computer chips (Moore's Law).
Gloria Stuart
- Played the 100 year-old survivor of the Titanic sinking in the movie "Titanic". Born 1910.
Gore Vidal
- Prolific American novelist, playwright, and essayist, active in liberal politics.
Houston Texans
Howard Metzenbaum
- Democratic senator from Ohio and leading consumer advocate
Howard Stern
- Radio star and self-proclaimed "king of all media"
Howie Mandel
- Voice of Gizmo Mogwai in Gremlins
Jack Osbourne
- Ozzy's spoiled son who checked into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center at the age of 17 (2003).
Jack Taylor
- Former fighter pilot started out leasing cars from Cadillac body shop 1957. Named company after his WWII aircraft carrier, U.S.S. Enterprise.
Jackie Chan
- Although I would hate to see it happen, he does his own stunts, and if you jump off enough buildings, eventually, you'll miss.
Jackie Cooper
- Played "Jackie" in the Our Gang two-reeler series, appearing in 15 shorts. The "leading man" in many of these comedies, he was most effective in those scenes wherein he displayed a crush on his new teacher, the beauteous Miss Crabtree. Born on September 15, 1921.
Jackie Mason
- The prototypical Borscht Belt comedian, Jackie Mason deftly blended self-deprecating humility with abrasive arrogance to acutely dissect the differences between Jewish and Gentile culture. After finding initial success in the 1960s as a frequent guest of The Ed Sullivan Show, he spent the next two decades in obscurity, blackballed by the showbiz powers-that-be, before re-emerging at the close of the 1980s. Born Jacob Maza on June 9, 1934.
Jackie Stallone
- Mother of Sylvester Stallone
Jackson State Tigers
Jacksonville Dolphins
Jim Davis
- Creator of Garfield. Born 1945.
Jim J. Bullock
- HIV positive flamer from the 80s TV show "Too Close For Comfort."
Jim McKay
- Sportscaster for Wide World of Sports. "Spanning the globe..."
Jim Mora
- Football coach famous for post-game press conference meltdowns.
Jim Nabors
- Still performing, but has a second-hand liver. Best known as Gomer Pyle.
Jimmie Walker
- "Dy-No-Mite!" (Good Times)
Jimmy Breslin
- For decades, Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Jimmy Breslin has chronicled the daily life of the average Joe and used his pen to give voice to those forgotten.
Jimmy Buffett
- Best known for his song 'Margaritaville,' his only Billboard Top 10 hit (#8; summer, 1977).
Jimmy Carter
- He has now won his Nobel Prize now so technically has permission to die. It was what he was living for. Probably lost the fight now. Time to go.
Jimmy Dean
- Country star, actor, and sausage king
Jimmy Hoffa Jr.
- The legendary labor boss, who vanished without a trace in 1975, is making a comeback -- in the form of his son.
Jimmy Page
- Famed Led Zeppelin guitarist
Juan Corona
- Mexican serial killer currently serving 25 life sentences. Convicted of 25 rape/murders of men in 1971, all killed with machete over the span of six weeks.
Judith Crist
- Movie critic
Judith Martin
- Miss Manners will not overstay her welcome.
Judy Carne
- Short-haired free-loving drug-taking Brit clowned around as the resilient "sock it to me" girl on "Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In".
Jules Dassin
- One of the most defiantly visible survivors of the Hollywood blacklist. The director's reputation, so idiotically maligned in the early 1950s, has been completely restored so far as Hollywood was concerned--even though the man himself chose to shun the U.S. for self-imposed Swiss exile.
Julia Roberts
- Beautiful stringbean starred in Pretty Woman (1990) as a Disneyfied prostitute. The film was a shallow, predictable, and utterly unbelievable fairy tale that earned $178 million at the box office.
Julie Andrews
- Star of Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music.
Lance Armstrong
- After surviving a bout with testicular cancer, he won the Tour de France seven consecutive times (1999 to 2005).
Lance Bass
- Gay *NSYNC singer. Attempts to become a cosmonaut were put on hold due to lack of funds.
Lara Flynn Boyle
- Skinny actress married and broke up with Jack Nicholson. Into wild partying and heavy boozing.
Larry Dierker
- Houston Astros manager who collapsed with a grand mal seizure in the Astros dugout during a game in 1999.
Larry Flynt
- He was shot in 1978 by a white supremacist outraged over an interracial spread in Hustler. Now he's going after GW Bush, so you know there's probably another hit on him coming soon.
Larry Hagman
- An active anti-smoking campaigner, he's nevertheless not averse to the odd drink or ten, and needed a liver transplant in 1995 due to cirrhosis. Has reportedly been hitting the bottle again over the past couple of years. Starred in "Dallas" and "I Dream of Jeannie".
Larry King
- CNN fixture, survived multiple heart attacks and marriages.
LaToya Jackson
- Likes plastic surgery almost as much as Michael.
Latrell Sprewell
- NBA coach-choking clubhouse cancer
Laura Bush
- First lady/literacy advocate. At age 17, she ran a stop sign and crashed into her boyfriend's car, killing him in the accident (1963).
Lou Piniella
- Usually seen throwing his hat, throwing first base, or kicking dirt on an umpire.
Lou Reed
- Frontman of the Velvet Underground. Released the radio classic "Walk on the Wild Side" in 1972 as a solo artist.
Louie Anderson
- Rotund comedian
Martina Navratilova
- Bisexual tennis superstar. Won 18 major singles titles from 1978-1990.
Marty & Sid Krofft
- Co-creators of "H.R. Pufnstuf, Land of the Lost"
Marv Albert
- Hospitalized for attempted suicide in 1996. Recovered to bite a woman on the back in 1997. Yesssssss!
Marv Levy
- Buffalo coach who became an expert at losing Super Bowls.
Marvin Herb
- Bronx native moved to the Midwest for job at PepsiCo. Bought Coca-Cola bottling plants in Indianapolis, Chicago; built into nation's third-largest Coke bottler before selling out to Coca-Cola Enterprises for $1.4 billion in 2001.
Marvin Miller
- Headed the Major League Baseball Players Association (the players' union) for 16 years.
Marwan Barghouti
- (born June 6, 1959) A Palestinian leader from the West Bank and a leader of the Fatah movement that forms the backbone of the Palestinian Authority and the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO). He is currently serving five life sentences in an Israeli jail for murder and attempted murder.
Mary Hart
- Entertainment Tonight co-host since 1982
Mary Kate Olsen
- Mary-Kate is rumored to be suffering from anorexia, but that didn't stop her from starring in a TV campaign to promote McDonalds' Happy Meals in France in September 2004.
Mary Quant
- The fashion designer behind mini-skirts & hot pants. Born 1934.
Mikhail Gorbachev (FFF 2007)
- By gently pushing open the gates of reform, he unleashed a democratic flood that deluged the Soviet universe and washed away the cold war. He never was able to wash away that stain on his head, though.
Mikhail Kalashnikov
- Military engineer who designed the the AK-47 assault rifle which has become synonymous with his name. In 2004, he began marketing his own brand of vodka; the two products perhaps don't make the best of bedfellows.
Mills Lane
- Won the NCAA Welterweight boxing title in 1960. Referee for many memorable boxing fights. TV courtroom judge.
Moses Malone
- Ended up being the last remnant of the ABA when he retired in 1995. Malone was named NBA MVP in 1979 and 1982. He was accused by his wife in 1993 of brutality and making death threats.
Mother Angelica
- Born in 1923 as Born Rita Antoinette Rizzo. She went on to found the Eternal World Television Network (EWTN), the largest Catholic cable network with an audience of about 66 million households in 43 countries.
Mr. Blackwell
- The flamboyantly gay fashion critic puts half naked women on his list as worst dressed. Birth name is Richard Seltzer.
Mr. T
- Born Laurence Tureaud. Two-time America's Toughest Bouncer. Beat cancer. Played Sgt. B.A. Baracus in "The A-Team", and made a habit of pitying fools and not gettin' on no airplanes.
Muammar Qaddafi (FFF 2007)
- His last name belongs in the bad spellers hall of fame. Primary reason very few children are named "Muammar" in the U.S. these days. Suffers from leukemia. In Feb 2002 doctors gave him about two years to live.
North Carolina Asheville Bulldogs
North Carolina Greensboro Spartans
North Carolina Tar Heels
North Carolina State Wolfpack
North Carolina Wilmington Seahawks
North Texas Mean Green
Northeastern Huskies
Northern Arizona Lumberjacks
Northern Colorado Bears
Northern Illinois Huskies
Pete Seeger
- Folk singer, greatest hits include "Abiyoyo" and "Turn, Turn, Turn"
Pete Townsend
- Pedophile guitarist for The Who
Peter Angelos
- Trial attorney and Baltimore Orioles owner
Peter Arnett
- A former CNN correspondent who covered 19 wars in his 40 year career as a reporter.
Peter Bart
- Editor of Variety
Peter Fonda
- Son of Henry Fonda, the brother of Jane Fonda and the father of Bridget Fonda.
Peter Lewis
- Took over father's insurance company in 1965; grew Progressive Corp. into the third-largest U.S. auto insurer by targeting high-risk drivers.
Rice Owls
Rich Little
- Impressionist
Richard and J.W. Marriott
- Sons of J.W. Marriott Sr., who started root beer stand in 1927, opened first Marriott hotel in 1957.
Richard Branson
- Head of the Virgin Group, highly respected industrialist entrepeneur and adventurer
Richard Dawson
- Game show giant in the 1970s, first as a panelist on the goofy Match Game and then as host of Family Feud. His career ground to a halt in the mid-1980s, and by the 1990s rumors were circulating that Dawson was dead.
Richard DeVos
- Heart transplant recipient, owner of Orlando Magic, co-founder of Amway (reorganized as Alticor in 2000).
Richard Dreyfus
- He went into drug rehabilitation in the 1980s and came out clean. Appeared in "Valley Of The Dolls" (1967), "American Graffiti" (1973), "Jaws" (1975), "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind" (1977), "Down And Out In Beverley Hills" (1986), "Tin Men" (1987), "Stakeout" (1987), and "What About Bob?" (1991).
Richard Egan
- Marine helicopter pilot in Korean War cofounded storage company EMC in 1979 with six employees. Rode tech wave, then watched stock fall from $100 to $3. Now with tech on the rebound, focuses attention on politics. Big Republican backer and onetime U.S. Ambassador to Ireland hosted kickoff fundraisers for Bush's reelection bid.
Richard Farmer
- Grandfather started rag-cleaning company in 1929. Young Richard joined in 1957, left to form his own shop in 1968. Acquired family company, adopted name Cintas in 1973, fashioned it into nation's largest manufacturer of corporate uniforms.
Richard Gere
- There is an unsubstantiated rumor that he was hospitalized to remove a gerbil from his anus.
Ruth Westheimer
- Troll-looking midget caused millions in the 1980s to wonder how she got all that sexual experience.
Ry Cooder
- Arguably the finest blues guitarist of his generation.
Ryan O'Neal
- In the 1970s he became one of the world's top superstars, but he attempted some roles outside his range and from the early 1980s he was on the slide. Has been a steady twosome with actress Farrah Fawcett for some years now.
Ryoichi Jinnai
- President of Promise, a major Japanese consumer-loan firm.
S. Daniel Abraham
- Health enthusiast introduced Slim-Fast nutrition drinks late 1970s.
Sacha Baron Cohen
- Comic actor who created the characters Ali G and Borat.
Sacramento Kings
Sacramento State Hornets
Safeway
- Supermarket chain
Saint Bonaventure Bonnies
Southeast Missouri State Indians
Southern Jaguars
Southern Miss Golden Eagles
Southern Illinois Salukis
Southern Utah Thunderbirds
Southwest Missouri State Bears
Sparky Anderson
- Manager of the Cincinnati Reds from 1970-78, and Detroit Tigers from 1979-95.
Spike Lee
- Directed 'Summer of Sam,' 'School Daze,' 'Do the Right Thing' 'Girl 6,' 'Jungle Fever,' 'Crooklyn' and 'Malcolm X'
Stan Lee
- The father of Spider-Man, the Hulk, the X-Men and the Silver Surfer. Invented the modern superhero, revived a dying industry and created a mythology.
Stanford Cardinal
Theodore Hesburgh
- Catholic priest, he was president of Notre Dame University for 35 years
Thomas Flatley
- Real estate baron controls commercial and retail space in New England. Irish immigrant made fortune building apartments.
Thomas Frist Jr
- Medical doctor founded Hospital Corp. of America with father in 1968 following stint as Air Force flight surgeon. Merged with Columbia Healthcare in 1994. Now nation's largest for-profit hospital operator.
Thomas Pickering
- Career US Ambassador. Co-chaired the Council on Foreign Relations task force that produced Iraq: The Day After in March 2003. The report contained specific 30 recommendations for Iraq postwar policy, all of which were apparently ignored by the Bush administration.
Twiggy
- She was the highest paid model of the '60s. Britain's biggest money maker in 1967.
Ty Warner
- Beanie Baby toy maker owns two Four Seasons hotels; last year added Chicago office complex, Sandpiper golf course near Santa Barbara, Calif.
Tyra Banks
- Model, Actor
UAB Blazers
UC Davis Aggies
UC Irvine Anteaters
UC Riverside Highlanders
UC Santa Barbara Gauchos
UCLA Bruins
US Senate - Any current Senators from Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, or New Jersey.
US Senate - Any current Senators from New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, or Ohio.
Will Smith
- All his movies open #1 no matter how bad they are or what the subject matter.
Willard Scott
- Blobby but fun weirdo with a passion for older women
Willem Kolff
- Invented the kidney dialysis machine
XM
- Sirius was named the fastest growing technology company in North America, in 2007. Analysts have been trying to predict the likelihood of the merger for years. Citi Investment Research estimated in a note to investors that the transaction's likelihood of closing is greater than 60 percent.
Y.C. Wang
- 87 year old Taiwanese billionaire who made his original fortune in plastics. Remains a vocal defender of opening Taiwan to Mainland China even if it means locking horns with the island's governing politicians. His attempt at producing a local car with General Motors foundered when they reportedly failed to agree on the car's brand name.
Celebrity Couples
Brooke Burke & David Charvet
Brooke Shields and Chris Henchy
Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller
Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman
Nicole Richie & Adam Goldstein
Nicolette Sheridan & Michael Bolton
Ozzy Osbourne and Sharon Osbourne
Pamela Anderson & Rick Salomon